Where did Masters Madness go?
Where did Masters Madness go?
In less divisive times, talk of the year's first major at Augusta National ramped up with the start of the PGA Tour's Florida Swing. These days the storylines are much different.
March used to mean three things:
1. NCAA basketball and the accompanying Madness.
2. Imminent spring (an incorrect use “imminent” in the case of places like Pittsburgh or Green Bay).
3. The Masters Tournament in the on-deck circle.
What the hell happened to us? As the great philosopher Meatloaf once noted, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”
I’d like to report the Masters anticipation, an annual rite of spring, is missing in action. Do we need to put a picture of the Green Jacket on milk cartons or what?
I don’t want to point fingers of blame but … this is mostly LIV Golf’s fault. Instead of discussing who can possibly beat Scottie Scheffler at Augusta National or whether Tiger Woods can contend (assuming he plays) or if the rain will hurt the rhubarb, we’re talking about a maybe not-so-secret meeting between players and Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, Rory McIlroy claiming the PIF isn’t getting accurate information about the PGA Tour’s position from LIV leaders, and Anthony Kim shooting 76.
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I liked the old March a lot better. It was a month where golf media types and players got their first taste of actual spring with the Florida Swing. Writers typically peppered players at the Arnold Palmer Invitational or the Players Championship or, once upon a time, Doral, in order to produce Masters preview stories.
The only time I heard the Masters mentioned at Bay Hill or TPC Sawgrass this year was when someone asked Scheffler if his neck would be OK for the Masters. Meanwhile, the media asked an incessant string of LIV and PIF questions and the big interview at Sawgrass was PGA Tour commissioner Jay Monahan. He spent an hour dodging PIF questions and “framework agreement” queries. Nobody asked him about the Masters overshadowing the Players. Why would we?
I remember one year following Fred Couples after his round up the steps to the earthy old clubhouse locker room at Sawgrass before the Tour erected the mammoth Taco Bell Headquarters-like structure now in use. Couples was in a hurry to get to the locker room so he could plop down on a couch and watch first-round NCAA Tournament action. (Which is what I would have liked to have been doing, too.) Once there, he obligingly answered Masters questions and others in between ripping some officiating or commenting on a dunk.
Doral hosted a big tour event in early March but for magazine guys such as myself, we needed Masters material due to deadlines for the special Masters section. Tom Kite was dedicated to his craft and I knew if I asked him about the Masters, his answer would be, “I’m thinking about Doral this week, I’m not thinking about the Masters.” So I preceded my question with, “Tom, I know you’re not thinking about the Masters yet but because of magazine deadlines, I need to collect some stories this week.” With the problem explained, Kite was always gracious to me.
The Masters is preparing to block out the sun on golf’s horizon, much like the coming solar eclipse. Let’s get with it, people.
Will any more players receive special invites like two-time LIV Golf champ Joaquin Niemann? (Other than Talor Gooch, I don’t see any other potentially deserving names.)
Will Phil Mickelson make the cut? (He isn’t beating anybody on LIV, so how’s he going to beat the world’s best at Augusta? Oh, wait, I asked the same thing last year when he tied for second. That’s Phil being Phil.)
Can Tiger Woods contend? (A better question is whether he can walk 72 holes over four days.)
Are there any big course changes? (Augusta National’s grand poohbahs moved the par-5 second tee a little to the left, making it more of a dogleg, and added 10 yards. Tiger-proofing continues.)
The media is guilty of taking our eyes off the ball. The Masters is a mere three weeks away. Who gives a crap about the LIV finagling until something actually happens?
As the great philosophers Greenday said, “Wake me up when September ends.”
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Here’s a great way to impress your golfing friends, assuming you have friends. You can bring the Masters to your own man-cave. Visit Masters.com and you can order “Taste of the Masters.”
It’s a package of concession food that is exactly the same that is served at the Masters during tournament week. I’m talking pimento cheese sandwiches (an acquired taste that I have not acquired); egg-salad sandwiches (ditto) and barbecue sandwiches.
For $179, you get enough food to host a part of 12 to 14 people. It comes with potato chips and pecan-carmel popcorn (in Masters-logo bags); six cookies; 25 cups and 12 coasters, also Masters-logoed; and sheets of official Masters wax paper. Buns and bread are not included. The stuff is shipped to your address in time for your Masters party (again assuming you have any friends).
There’s a smaller version that feeds four to six guests for $99. Shipping is free.
It could be the start of a tradition unlike any other.
By the way, do you know what the best thing is about a pimento cheese sandwich?
I don’t either.
MORE MASTERS THOUGHTS
No question Scheffler will be the overwhelming Masters favorite after winning Bay Hill and the Players back-to-back. BETMGM lists Scheffler at 5-1 odds to win. Defending champ Jon Rahm, who hasn’t finished better than third in his first four LIV Golf starts, is second at 10-1 along with Rory McIlroy.
Here’s the Players runnerups’ odds: Xander Schauffele, 20-1; Wyndham Clark, 25-1; and Brian Harman, 66-1.
Among things you thought you’d never see, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson go off at 100-1, the same as J.T. Poston, Eric Cole and Nick Taylor.
Other notables include PGA Championship winner Brooks Koepka, 20-1; former British Open winner Cameron Smith (my stealth pick), 25-1; and former U.S. Open champ Bryson DeChambeau, 33-1.
If you live in a state where online gambling isn’t legal yet, be grateful for how much money you’re not losing.
MERCH MADNESS
The absolute dumbest item for sale at the Players Championship merchandise shop was — well, I don’t even know what to call it. A bling chain? It was similar to what some college football teams give to defensive players to let them wear after they recover a turnover. This bling chain had large, electric blue links and was attached to a piece of flat plastic with a replica of Goldy, the Players Championship trophy figure.
You definitely couldn’t wear this while you play golf. Could you wear it in the grillroom after golf? If you played on Halloween, maybe. But would you really want anyone to know you wasted $38 on this piece of junk?
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Brian Harman on Scheffler’s Players win: “He's the best player in the world, and this is a championship golf course. If you look at it on paper, the best player this week won. That's kind of what you want in a golf tournament.”
WORST QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Unknown fan holding a Michelob Ultra tall can behind the third hole tee box on Sunday during the Players Championship as Wyndham Clark prepared to hit: “Let’s go, Wyndham! I’ve got five hundred on ya!”
Hahaha! He is one of the top 50 golfers in the world.
Just Five hundred.!